The Onion is my hero

KFC Introduces New Bird-Flu Dipping Vaccine

Seriously, how do I get a job writing for those guys? Either that or writing for The Daily Show would be my dream job. Although I bet The Daily Show pays better.

A little something for you, dear reader

You've probably gathered that music is pretty important to me. You may have even figured out that iTunes has revitalized my love affair with music, especially new music. So I managed to figure out how to add an RSS feed at the bottom of my blog that shows some of my latest iTunes purchases for your amazement and ridicule. Enjoy.

Or don't ... whatever.

Let Them Go This Time

Perhaps, as a Virginian, it is completely appropriate that I am all in favor of Texas's secession from the United States. I believe, generally speaking, in soveriegnty and the Tenth Amendment. I just believe that it's a whole lot different than what Rick Perry (Steve Perry seems like a nicer guy) seems to think that it is. In case he forgot, the Civil War (WONA) settled that issue pretty clearly, and Supreme Court decisions since then have toed that line. But if he, and other Texans, don't like the way the Constitution is interpreted, so be it. Off with you. Best of luck, I say.

But a friendly secession would be significantly different than what happened in 1861 following the Secession Convention. This time around, the Federal Government ought to withdraw all of its resources from the territory of the nascent Republic of Texas rather than allowing them to be violently seized by the seceeding state.
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The Department of Homeland Security including Customs and Border Patrol, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and the Transportation Safety Administration? Out of there. Every rifle, truck, pistol, and badge. Every x-ray machine and bomb sniffing dog. They'll be needed to protect the new borders between the USA and the New Republic.
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Social Security Administration? Out. Payments to retirees in Texas only in the way that we make them available to retirees overseas. And with no international agreement in place it might take a while to get all that going. Medicare? Doesn't apply "overseas." Unemployment benefits? Paid in the same way the USG pays for folks who are unemployed "overseas." In other words, not at all.
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FBI? All the special agents should reassigned to new U.S. postings. We'll send our Legal Attache (usually just a few agents) to the new Embassy to the Republic of Texas (once it gets built).
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And the military? Come on home, men and women. Every tank, every jet, every helicopter, every machine gun, returned back to the United States. There are 18 military bases in Texas, and most of the personnel and materiel belong to the United States, not the State of Texas.
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Support for higher education? Done. Ask University of Texas at Austin how long it can survive without federal grants for research and federal loans for its students to attend. And kick all those schools out of the NCAA. Good riddance, Mack Brown and Rick Barnes.
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And then the bill. Send the New Republic a bill for the infrastructure left behind, for the highways, the hospitals, the schools, the university buildings, the airports, for anything that was built entirely or partially with federal funding. How many billions do you think that might be?
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Anyway, I think by now you've gotten YDS's point. Let Texas go. But just make sure they know the real cost before they step out the door.
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Oh but one parting shot: Why is it that no one has described Mr. Perry's comments as treasonous, or as giving aid and comfort to the enemy in a time of war? Do you wonder whether someone in the previous administration might have?

A Good Gauge of my Mood

When the Smiths come on the iPod and I crank them up, it's pretty good hint that I'm feeling somewhat maudlin.

Also, I don't tend to write (either here or on my plays) very much when I'm depressed. I don't know how Sylvia Plath or Sarah Kane managed. Of course, they both ended quite badly. The tradeoff is worth it, of course, but writing seems like it ought to be therapeutic, an exercise that helps me to work through my feelings and relieve the angst, but so far, it isn't doing it for me.

Worth Sharing

He did pretty well with the Sweet Sixteen...

So let's hope the Bard can keep up his prognostication...

And here are Shakespeare's picks for the Final Four:

Connecticut Huskies vs. the Michigan State Spartans: Will's tip: “the Dog will have his day” (Hamlet, 5.1)......
CONNECTICUT to the Finals

North Carolina Tarheels vs. the Villanova Wildcats: Will's tip: “the Cat must stay at home” (Henry V, 5.1) and the “Heels will kick at heaven” (Hamlet, 3.3)....
NORTH CAROLINA to the Finals

And in the Championship game:
North Carolina Tarheels versus Connecticut Huskies: Shakespeare agrees that this year the Big East has been stronger top to bottom, but says, “I’ll take my Heels” (Comedy of Errors 1.1) and “darkness breaks within the East” (Richard III, 5.3).

2009 NCAA Men's Champion
NORTH CAROLINA TARHEELS

http://www.americanshakespearecenter.com/v.php?pg=397

Have I mentioned that I'm proud of my alma mater?

As reported by ESPN.com:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/ncaatourney09/news/story?id=3987923

North Carolina, Pittsburgh, Louisville and Connecticut share a No. 1 seeding in the NCAA tournament. Their graduation rates have less in common.

The numbers ranged from 86 percent at North Carolina to 33 percent at UConn, according to a report released Monday by The Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport at the University of Central Florida.

Louisville was at 42 percent and Pitt at 69 percent.

They play hoops AND they go to class. What a concept!!!